I'm feeling so conflicted today! Actually, it isn't just today--I've been this way ever since I announced that I was leaving Blotanical! I already miss all of my blogging friends--and that probably means YOU, because there are SO MANY of you out there in blogging-land:-)
Maine woods, 2009 ("Blurred Vision")
What should I do? I know I sound crazy--but I don't want to lose you guys as 'friends'! It was fairly easy to write a post saying I was leaving-but living with that thought for several days has been SO, SO DIFFICULT! I think the Lyme disease has seriously affected my cognitive functioning and is interferring with good decision-making!
Most of the relationships I've developed here on Blotanical...and in the blogging world in general...are such that if I were with you in person, I know that we'd instantly bond as friends in real life! How can a person just 'walk away' from all of that? Don't ask me--because I don't think I really can!
HELP, please! I've already asked Stuart to remove me from Blotanical! Do you think I should go...or should I stay? I know I'm contradicting everything in my last post--but, just because I'm a mental health counselor doesn't mean I always have my OWN act together;-)
Maine woods, 2009 ("Clearing")
I said that I like to do things kind of 'low key' because I'm not all that comfortable with being publicly 'exposed'. Usually, I have kept my blog posts 'impersonal', and kept it a garden blog with emphasis on plants, flowers & blooms, and other bright and cheery 'happenings' in nature! However, the post where I talked in depth about having Lyme disease, and mentioned issues regarding my son, eventually caused some 'self consciousness' and slight embarrassment!
I was 'overwhelmed' by all of your friendly, caring and loving comments on my blog...all 60+ of them! And I thank all of you for making me feel so uplifted and cared for. Not knowing you in person doesn't mean I don't care about YOU, too! I DO care about all of you! And that's the problem I've been noticing now. Really, it's not a 'problem'...it's just a realization that I really do LOVE you guys! My blog is just that...a blog. But the relationships that have come from it are such that I am feeling very sad that I decided to leave Blotanical! I know I can keep blogging without 'it'---but 'it' is how I have met most of you in the first place! Blotanical has really been the 'vessel' through which I've had the wonderful pleasure and great blessings that have been my gifts--all of YOU!
So, help--please! I know I am sounding extremely 'flaky' here. Can any of you relate? If so, will you let Stuart know, so that he doesn't 'erase' me from Blotanical? I think I jumped the gun a bit and 'thought' I was making a positive choice; but in reality, I don't think it was a good choice. What is going to happen to me when winter comes around, and I don't have you guys to keep my days so bright? Winter gets really dull sometimes, and last winter I was SO uplifted by my participation in Blotanical and meeting all of YOU! Tell Stuart I made a mistake, ok? I really do want to stay!!
Maine woods, 2009 ("On the road again")
Stupid me--I've made myself even MORE noticeable with these vascillating posts of mine as of late! Not my intention at all...but a by-product of the mess I've gotten myself into. I've turned my 'comments' back on, so am welcoming your thoughts at this time! I am still going to get back to EVERY ONE of you who left comments on my Lyme post. I just need a bit of time. I really do love you all!!
