I'm feeling so conflicted today! Actually, it isn't just today--I've been this way ever since I announced that I was leaving Blotanical! I already miss all of my blogging friends--and that probably means YOU, because there are SO MANY of you out there in blogging-land:-)
Maine woods, 2009 ("Blurred Vision")
What should I do? I know I sound crazy--but I don't want to lose you guys as 'friends'! It was fairly easy to write a post saying I was leaving-but living with that thought for several days has been SO, SO DIFFICULT! I think the Lyme disease has seriously affected my cognitive functioning and is interferring with good decision-making!
Most of the relationships I've developed here on Blotanical...and in the blogging world in general...are such that if I were with you in person, I know that we'd instantly bond as friends in real life! How can a person just 'walk away' from all of that? Don't ask me--because I don't think I really can!
HELP, please! I've already asked Stuart to remove me from Blotanical! Do you think I should go...or should I stay? I know I'm contradicting everything in my last post--but, just because I'm a mental health counselor doesn't mean I always have my OWN act together;-)
Maine woods, 2009 ("Clearing")
I said that I like to do things kind of 'low key' because I'm not all that comfortable with being publicly 'exposed'. Usually, I have kept my blog posts 'impersonal', and kept it a garden blog with emphasis on plants, flowers & blooms, and other bright and cheery 'happenings' in nature! However, the post where I talked in depth about having Lyme disease, and mentioned issues regarding my son, eventually caused some 'self consciousness' and slight embarrassment!
I was 'overwhelmed' by all of your friendly, caring and loving comments on my blog...all 60+ of them! And I thank all of you for making me feel so uplifted and cared for. Not knowing you in person doesn't mean I don't care about YOU, too! I DO care about all of you! And that's the problem I've been noticing now. Really, it's not a 'problem'...it's just a realization that I really do LOVE you guys! My blog is just that...a blog. But the relationships that have come from it are such that I am feeling very sad that I decided to leave Blotanical! I know I can keep blogging without 'it'---but 'it' is how I have met most of you in the first place! Blotanical has really been the 'vessel' through which I've had the wonderful pleasure and great blessings that have been my gifts--all of YOU!
So, help--please! I know I am sounding extremely 'flaky' here. Can any of you relate? If so, will you let Stuart know, so that he doesn't 'erase' me from Blotanical? I think I jumped the gun a bit and 'thought' I was making a positive choice; but in reality, I don't think it was a good choice. What is going to happen to me when winter comes around, and I don't have you guys to keep my days so bright? Winter gets really dull sometimes, and last winter I was SO uplifted by my participation in Blotanical and meeting all of YOU! Tell Stuart I made a mistake, ok? I really do want to stay!!
Maine woods, 2009 ("On the road again")
Stupid me--I've made myself even MORE noticeable with these vascillating posts of mine as of late! Not my intention at all...but a by-product of the mess I've gotten myself into. I've turned my 'comments' back on, so am welcoming your thoughts at this time! I am still going to get back to EVERY ONE of you who left comments on my Lyme post. I just need a bit of time. I really do love you all!!
Hi Jan, I understand the feeling of being overwhelmed with blogging sometimes. On the other hand I think about topics I want to 'share' on my blog. Double-edged sword, eh?
ReplyDeleteIs is possible to email Stuart and tell him 'never mind'? Or reregister? I go on Blotanical occasionally-- when I have a few minutes. Good place to meet folks, as you said.
I do love your pictures of Maine. Very nice.
Dear Jan, PLEASE don't stop blogging! I keep thinking of you and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that you're going to get well real soon!
ReplyDeleteHugs and love
Katarina
Welcome back Jan!
ReplyDeleteWell I don't get on blotanical but I get on your blog here and I think you should keep on blogging. And just write when you feel like it. I enjoy your blog and want to be able to continue to read it!
ReplyDeleteJan,
ReplyDeleteI can relate to feeling overwhelmed trying to keep up with blogging, and a week can go by without me getting on blotanical. I don't feel I need to quit because of it, but I can see you would be more conflicted, since your posts get picked a lot. Your posts get picked because of their quality, not because you've picked someone else's and they are returning the favor. I try to reciprocate, but am not always aware of which blogs my pickers belong with. I wish we could click on their name and see what their blogs are.
My point, I think, is that if we have these obstacles, there are most likely others who don't always keep up. No one is going to think less of you if you don't keep up with picking or commenting on posts. I am not able to leave comments on Stuar's blog posts, because I can never get his word verifications right. Can you re-register? I'll get back with you if I am able to contact him.
Keep taking care of yourself. The affects of having Lyme disease will be part of your life for awhile. Don't be hard on yourself. Things will continue to improve now that you are being treated.
I keep thinking I'm going to take a blogging break, but so far, haven't been able to.
God bless!
Hi Jan.
ReplyDeleteI hope that you´ll come back soon whith your lovely post Nobody else can take your place and show us so fantastic photos like you.But do it when you feel to do it.
Hugs
Gunilla
Dear Jan, Blotanical does get to be TOO addictive. I was getting a little stressed because it seemed I was not getting much readership for all the work I was doing. I had to remind myself, that BEFORE Blotanical, I would have 2 maybe three readers of Keewee's Garden, now I have up to about twenty a day, and why did I start a gardening blog? It was to simply have a record mainly for MYSELF, and if others enjoy what I write about then that is a bonus. So now I just do my thing, read and pick posts I like on Blotanical when I have time, and continue blogging for my own enjoyment.
ReplyDeleteJan , enjoy your life and garden without the stress, and I will be continuing to read your blog.
kind regards
Jennifer AKA Keewee
I tried to post this on your first post but google said I can't. Huh! I have a google account, so why not?
Jan, I will send Stuart a message about your change of heart. Please do stay on Blotanical--it's a warm and lovely community. Post when you feel like it. We're with you!
ReplyDeleteHope you can get back onto Blotanical. I assume since this post is showing up there that you are still on. Good deal. My thoughts are with you and your son.
ReplyDeleteFrances
Jan, I am happy to see you blogging again. I like you in Blotanical too. If this gets too stressful, take some time off for you deserve a rest. You are who you are. Just be yourself. We like your post because we like your way of writing and expression. Nobody else can immitate that. Maybe you can regard us as your support group, people who share your ups and downs in life. I'm sure many of us experience our dark days too. Let us brighten you up. Cheers! and Hip, hip, Hurray! Wising you a Happy Day ahead.
ReplyDeleteHi Jan!
ReplyDeleteYou can still be a blotanist without blogging, can't you?
I haven't been active there myself for many months now, there's just not enough time. I have still not decided whether to stay or leave because there will come a harsh winter to keep me indoors. You'll never know..;)
I wish you all the best, Jan, whatever decision you make. But do take care of yourself and your family first. I will keep your blog in my blogroll just in case you want to blog from time to time. I'll pop by and say hello :)
Hugs from the other side of the World,
-Hilde
Hi Jan, You don't have to leave Blotanical or stop blogging, just do it on your terms. I backed right away from Blotancial as it was very time consuming, just visit when it suits me now. The withdrawal symptoms will go away and you will have lots more time for other things. I still visit blogging friends made there, but keep doing it via my own little blogroll so I can visit often.
ReplyDeleteTake care Jan, and thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a message.
Sometimes decisions are hard to make, no matter how big or small. I have a hard time making decisions sometimes, because it always feels so final. I'm sure you'll decide what's best for you.
ReplyDeleteYou're right about winter. That's when I joined and just seeing what was going on around the world in other gardens helped make it go by a bit faster.
I feel like you sometimes, blogging takes time.
ReplyDeleteIt's up to you to decide if you should leave or stay. Why don't you just take a break for a few weeks and then see.
Good luck :)
Jan,
ReplyDeleteWhat ever you do you know that all of us love you and know which ever decide you make it will be for your best well being and not for ours.
Cheers and hugs,
Randy
I have been thinking all day about you, sadly missing you already. But...if there is a chance that you will still keep blogging then you have made my day.
ReplyDeleteWhatever choice you make it should be the best one for you. Good Luck.
Jen
Hi Jan, What a lot of decision making, poor you, all I can say is HURRAH Jan's back.
ReplyDeleteI joined Blotanical and am very glad I did as it helped put me in touch with lot's of blogs I would never have known about if I hadn't joined. I think you were one of the first people to welcome me and it was lovely.
I haven't even logged onto Blotanical for ages but I will soon now I think about how I met lot's of the bloggers I now know including you.
I am sure that everyone who now reads your blog will still read it even if you don't re-join blotanical, so why bother if it means that it causes you extra work ? just blog and we'll come visiting. WELCOME BACK. xxxx
Jan,
ReplyDeleteWhen I read a blog and it is very forthcoming like yours, it is very refreshing! I hope you can resolve your blogging issues.
I also hope and pray for your health and healing.
Rosey
Jan, we like you just the way you are and want you to blog whether it's every day, once a week or once a month. I like knowing you're out there. I tried to register on Blotanical but had trouble figuring it out, so what does that say about my cognitive thinking?:) It's a happy day now that you're back.
ReplyDeleteThis is going to be a time for you to do some rest and recouperating. You must know that being on the computer is supposed to be fun... not an all-consuming time taker. The great thing about garden blogging is that you can spend as much or little time as you have available. Your health and well-being is the most important. Your friends will always be here.
ReplyDeleteJan, here are my ideas of how to keep blogging and participate in blotanical but keep it all in balance: limit your number of posts each week (I do only one, and that's just right for me as I still have some time to read other blogs and comment without spending too much time at the computer); have non-blog/non-blotantical days when you don't allow yourself to visit; stop checking how many picks your posts get (that has helped me lower the pressure level of blotanical); or just try to maintain reciprocal comments with current blogger friends without trying to respond to each new commenter on your blog.
ReplyDeleteSpeaking of cognitive abilities, I think it's really healthy to write regularly and interact with other writers, even though we're mostly amateurs. My brain seems to be working better thanks to blogging. I hope you can figure out a good balance - you don't have to get it perfect today, just start working toward the right balance. Your family might be able to help you with that, too.
Jan, I am glad that you have decided to stay. It is not blogging or Blotanical that puts pressure on you but you! It is a trap we all fall into from time to time and have to remind ourselves to relax a bit more. The point about all your blogging friends is that there are lots of us and therefore you can take a break whenever and for however long that you like, there is less responsibility towards virtual friends because of there are so many of us.
ReplyDeleteI do understand what you mean about getting a bit personal in your posts. I sometimes look back on comments that I have made and think 'I shouldn't have written that its too personal' but its gone, its too late. I remind myself that it doesn't really matter because no one actually knows me!
Just try to be comfortable and please yourself, the virtual world is a very different community that we are all getting used too and can be a great addition to our lives.
Good luck and best wishes Sylvia (England)
Welcome back, Jan. Just don’t get so wrapped in blogging. It’s supposed to be fun, not a chore and sometimes it can seem like the latter. As for Blotanical, I’m a member and I realize this is going to make me sound like an idiot, but for the life of me I can’t figure out how it works. I just found comments people left me months ago that I didn’t even know I had. Just blog when you feel like it and don’t when you don’t feel like it. I think sometimes we fell like if we don’t stay on top of things we will lose readers and comment and some how it diminishes the value of our blog. I would like to have triple the readers and comments that we have, but sometimes real life has to take priority.--Randy
ReplyDeleteOkay, so take a deep breath and stop worrying. I hate the rating system in Blotanicals too, but I'm not leaving, I just take no notice anymore, I don't even fave our people's posts. If I like it I'll tell them, I'll leave a comment.
ReplyDeleteYou are a good blogger and a good friend. I had to make the decision between writing a blog about alloments or about my mental health and how the alloments help. In the end I kind of do both. And you know what, people have responded well. We all like to know we aren't alone, that everyone else's life isn't perfect. So write about what you have got out of gardening each day/week. Be brave share yourself ~ there'll be someone out there who needed to hear they weren't alone in having a crap day. Plus they will see hope in reading about your good ones too. Quite frankly purely gardening blogs are boring, it's the people behind them that make you come back for more x
Oh Jan
ReplyDeleteIt is good to read your post and I do understand your dilema. I am a bit of a coward in life and don't like to 'close doors' but sometimes it is difficult to do things on your own terms especially if as you are a very loyal blogger.
When you first announced your decision I was shocked and concerned. I realise that information I had disseminated to you, had made you worried not only about yourself but especially for your son and caused you to vent publically. I am sorry if I inadvertently caused stressed.
I do thank you though because your post will have helped bring lyme into the consciousness of many other garden bloggers who live amongst deer.
The recent news released by IDSA will one day filter down to grass roots but for now word of mouth is the best we have.
Take care and let me know how you get on in September.
On a very selfish note I do hope you carry on blogging.
Lyme disease can and often does cause brain fog and confusion so don't be hard on yourself.
Hugs Joanne
Hi Jan, my own thoughts on Blotanical are I list my blog there but I don't use their interface to email. Not only do I like to have only one place to check email, I don't like that it's kind of a popularity contest getting points. I love relationships I make blogging, but I do them through comments and my personal email. Just my 2 cents.
ReplyDeleteI've been so busy this summer, that I've been able to check into Blotanical only a couple of times. Such is life. Keep on blogging, try to stay on Blotanical, just don't think about it so much. Makes the brain overheat.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you've decided to continue blogging, Jan! And I'm glad you turned the comments back on--I really wanted to respond to the last two posts.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been active at all in Blotanical the last several months. I use my blogroll to check on post updates and to link to blogs; that's always been so much easier than using Blotanical. And I never figured out how to do picks! There were some excellent posts that I really wanted to recommend, but I didn't have the patience to sit through a 20-minute demonstration to be able to do it. In the end, I decided that I wanted to spend my blogging time reading others' blogs and not worrying about popularity contests. Maybe it's just that I'm hopelessly computer illiterate:) Anyway, so glad you're back, and beautiful photos today--life is certainly a journey.
Jan, I think if we all owned up to it we all have our days when we wonder what all this blogging is about and why am I doing it. I enjoy so much the friendships that have been made through blogging and would have not had them if not for Blotanical. But most of the ones I love reading are in my Goggle Reader because there are a lot of days I cannot get anywhere on Blotanical. Maybe it is just so busy. I would miss looking for new friends and new ideas without it though. But I have my days when it feels like a choir instead of a blessing. You were just having one of those days, plus the awful Lyme disease you are fighting most likely does give you days where you could well do without all of this ;-)
ReplyDeleteWe get more active in the summer and we feel like we are letting our new friends down by not keeping up. I have thought at times to stop the madness too but I know come winter all of these friends will be more of a blessing than they are when I am so busy. I just know everyone has felt the same at one time or another.
I would stay and not give a hoot about being in the front and the pressure. Just be Jan! Do what you can and leave all the pressure behind.You have to start enjoying it again and forget about the fuss. I for one have enjoyed our back and forth postings and look forward to many more.
Yeah your back, so glad to hear that. take care
ReplyDeletemaureen x
Hi Jan, I'm so glad you're here to stay!! I wanted to comment on your Lyme post and just tell you how bad I feel...for you, for your son.
ReplyDeleteMy prayers are with you/your son.
Take care. and welcome back!
Hi, Jan.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of joining Blotanical but don't know how it would work with my .mac web site. Also, I am afraid that it would be too time consuming, especially after hearing your concerns. I like to blog only two times, or so, each month and I follow a very select few other-people's blogs. However, I must confess I love it when others let me know what they think of my garden (your comments are always wonderful; thank you!) and I feel I have made some great friends. I am so.o.o. glad that you have decided to continue blogging! Your friend in gardening, Pamela
Hi Jan, I'm so glad you are still blogging. I've always enjoyed your posts. I understand completely how you feel about Blotanical. I don't go on the site much myself any more because I find it way too difficult to use and I really don't like the user interface. I get frustrated with the rating system and I don't like the way the picks work. At the same time, it's been a wonderful place to meet bloggers that I never would have had the opportunity to meet otherwise. I've decided to do most of blogging through the Reader and as a Follower and only go to Blotanical when it suits me. Otherwise I'd spend way to much time dealing with the Blotanical user interface and not enough actually reading people's blog which is what I truly enjoy. We love you too Jan! So glad you're back! Hugs, Jackie
ReplyDeleteAt least you have Lyme disease to blame it on...I've go nothing besides advancing age!!! Kim
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are back, Jan -- your blog was one of the first I ever visited when I joined Blotanical and to me you are a key part of the Blotanical family. It wouldn't have been the same without you! Just visit Blotanical when you have time, but don't feel overwhelmed by it. The main purpose of it is to give garden bloggers a way to find each other; and it does that well. But you don't have to do it all -- just do what you want to when you can! You are so right about all the friends gained through being a part of Blotanical -- garden blogging is all the more fun because of it. Welcome back, dear Jan!
ReplyDeleteHi Jan,
ReplyDeleteEven though I already left a comment for you on this post, I am here again to tell you about a MeMe award waiting for you on my blog if you want to pick it up.
http://dunghoe.blogspot.com/
Rosey
Oh dear Jan. I read your last post and was greatly saddened by your decision. I tried to tell you so but nothing was cooperating that day. What else is new? I'm so glad you changed your mind. Anna's still on blotanical, so I know it can be done. Just take your time. I know I haven't been blogging or blog hopping as much lately as I used to. I guess it's easier to have the time when it's too cold to get out into the garden.
ReplyDeleteYou sound like a normal woman to me. Go with the flow to make it easier on yourself and follow your heart not your head. My heart is right many times when my brain fails me.
ReplyDelete--I've put the Gardening by Letter package in the mail( or will first thing in the morning) and remember that little nightlight on my site( little truck)---it's yours! Be on the look out for that package from Gooseberry Patch and the package from me with all the letters enclosed. Enjoy!!!!
I find every day is up and down so I think what you are going through seems par the course for us talky bloggers.
Dear, dear Jan.
ReplyDeleteSometime inife things are up side down and we do not know what to do or we do somrthing we want to change back later - you will see everything will be good in the end.
You still will have us here, yoyr friend even if not Blotanical.
Sending you a big big huge to you.
Liked to lok at the things you have in blossom in your garden now.
Love Maria Berg
Jan, I'm very glad that you changed your mind! After all, "it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind" ;-)
ReplyDeleteI get too busy and overwhelmed sometimes and just don't have the creative energy to blog. I just try not to add pressure to my already stressful life.
Your Maine woods pictures are wonderful!