*NOTE: It's now a brand new day & I'm no longer conflicted...I'm staying! Read the following if you 'want' to, but realize the conflict is no longer an issue for me...I'm here to stay!
I'm feeling so conflicted today! Actually, it isn't just today--I've been this way ever since I announced that I was leaving Blotanical! I already miss all of my blogging friends--and that probably means YOU, because there are SO MANY of you out there in blogging-land:-)
Maine woods, 2009 ("Blurred Vision")
What should I do? I know I sound crazy--but I don't want to lose you guys as 'friends'! It was fairly easy to write a post saying I was leaving-but living with that thought for several days has been SO, SO DIFFICULT! I think the Lyme disease has seriously affected my cognitive functioning and is interferring with good decision-making!
Most of the relationships I've developed here on Blotanical...and in the blogging world in general...are such that if I were with you in person, I know that we'd instantly bond as friends in real life! How can a person just 'walk away' from all of that? Don't ask me--because I don't think I really can!
HELP, please! I've already asked Stuart to remove me from Blotanical! Do you think I should go...or should I stay? I know I'm contradicting everything in my last post--but, just because I'm a mental health counselor doesn't mean I always have my OWN act together;-)
Maine woods, 2009 ("Clearing")
I said that I like to do things kind of 'low key' because I'm not all that comfortable with being publicly 'exposed'. Usually, I have kept my blog posts 'impersonal', and kept it a garden blog with emphasis on plants, flowers & blooms, and other bright and cheery 'happenings' in nature! However, the post where I talked in depth about having Lyme disease, and mentioned issues regarding my son, eventually caused some 'self consciousness' and slight embarrassment!
I was 'overwhelmed' by all of your friendly, caring and loving comments on my blog...all 60+ of them! And I thank all of you for making me feel so uplifted and cared for. Not knowing you in person doesn't mean I don't care about YOU, too! I DO care about all of you! And that's the problem I've been noticing now. Really, it's not a 'problem'...it's just a realization that I really do LOVE you guys! My blog is just that...a blog. But the relationships that have come from it are such that I am feeling very sad that I decided to leave Blotanical! I know I can keep blogging without 'it'---but 'it' is how I have met most of you in the first place! Blotanical has really been the 'vessel' through which I've had the wonderful pleasure and great blessings that have been my gifts--all of YOU!
So, help--please! I know I am sounding extremely 'flaky' here. Can any of you relate? If so, will you let Stuart know, so that he doesn't 'erase' me from Blotanical? I think I jumped the gun a bit and 'thought' I was making a positive choice; but in reality, I don't think it was a good choice. What is going to happen to me when winter comes around, and I don't have you guys to keep my days so bright? Winter gets really dull sometimes, and last winter I was SO uplifted by my participation in Blotanical and meeting all of YOU! Tell Stuart I made a mistake, ok? I really do want to stay!!
Maine woods, 2009 ("On the road again")
Stupid me--I've made myself even MORE noticeable with these vascillating posts of mine as of late! Not my intention at all...but a by-product of the mess I've gotten myself into. I've turned my 'comments' back on, so am welcoming your thoughts at this time! I am still going to get back to EVERY ONE of you who left comments on my Lyme post. I just need a bit of time. I really do love you all!!
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